My taking over my parents’ finances has been a gradual
progression. My mom has always handled everything, so although my dad has had
dementia for several years, that initially had no impact on me. However, when macular degeneration made it
difficult for Mom to balance her checkbook, pay bills and gather information
for the accountant at tax time, I took
over those tasks. Still, these were easy
tasks, and really required only my time….no decision making. In recent months, my mom’s mental condition
has deteriorated, and she essentially asked me to handle all of their
finances. This included deciding how to
invest the proceeds from the sale of their house, doing everything that was
required for my dad to start receiving VA benefits, setting up a new trust, and
changing power of attorney from my brother to me. I made the decision to hire an elder law
attorney to be certain that everything was done correctly. That was quite expensive, and I did lose a
bit of sleep over spending their money on something that may not have been
necessary.
I picked the assisted living community they are now in,
based mostly on the physical features of their apartment. I realize now that I should have done more
research because there are some issues there. I wonder if I could have found some place that
was better, and less expensive. They are both in their 90’s and I know that
moving them at this stage would be very traumatic for them, so they will stay
there and I’ll do what I can to handle the problems I see there by regular
communication with the director. Another
worry to interfere with a good night’s sleep.
I have made an appointment with a financial planner to
discuss their investments. Once again I know I will be making a decision on
their behalf, and I find that to be much more challenging than deciding what to
do with my own money.
My mom tells me almost every time I see her and she doesn’t
know what they would do without me, and they totally trust me to handle
EVERYTHING. I appreciate her trust, but I
wish I had her confidence in all of the decisions I have made on their behalf.